The new Minister's brief to the Head of Department

No leaping out

from behind hidden agendas,

no lining lame ducks up

for media pot shots,

no scaring the crap out of me

with revelations or defamations

and definitely no defecations

in my corner.

Hire the best spin doctor going -

one that will guild

your OIA gnome droppings

so they look like

unvarnished truth lollies.

Send your top policy wonk

to work in my office -

they can rewrite

your dreary drivel

to better reflect

what I told you to say

in the first place.

Absolutely NO surprises

or I will make sure you slide down

the gnome stud book

faster than Jack abseiled

the beanstalk when the giant

started fee-fi-fo-ing.

That's all for now -

drop by next week

and brief me on the cock-ups

you've had to cover up.

My apologies to anyone who has visited this blog during the last 18 months in the hope of finding a new post. I took a long break that was neither planned nor caused by physical ailment, nor did it result from anything as mundane as writer’s block – in fact, I have put together another collection of writing over that time. More about that in the next post (which I promise will follow soon after this one).

During the ‘between posts’ interregnum, I also had a poem published in an anthology of political poetry, ‘Manifesto Aotearoa: 101political poems’ (Otago University Press, Edited by Philip Temple and Emma Neale, 2017). The poem was ‘The Head of Department’s Prayer on a change of Government’. I wrote it several years ago and only sent it to the anthology to make up my submission’s numbers. The poem is a parody on the Lord’s Prayer and my thinking was that such writing is a bit naff these days, but what did I know. I had also previously posted it on this blog here, but if you like political poetry, I strongly recommend you take a look at Manifesto Aotearoa, available online at Unity Books and other good booksellers.

The reception the Head of Department poem received was very positive, so I have decided to develop a series of poems based on the departmental and political context that the Head of Department works in. The poem above is one of these. I will post more as they take shape. (An 'OIA' is an Official Information Act request, which anybody can submit to a department in order to gain access to specific information.)