Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Tuesday Poem: The lawyer’s eulogy at the funeral of a client

Good afternoon, my name is
Titus Loebloe from the practice
Loebloe, Shalloe and Sharpe.
I didnt know Eunice well
but she was my client.

She used to worry a lot
and ring me up all the time
as you do when
youre getting past it.
Well, the clock was ticking
at both ends of the phone
I tell you.

I would like to use
this opportunity
to acquaint possible
beneficiaries of the will
with some of our
investment services.

If you are inclined
as Eunice is sorry, was
to hand over her savings to us
lock, stock and wine-box
I can honestly say
what a pleasure that would be
for both of us.

We have a number of
high-risk, low-return schemes
for you to consider
and I guarantee that
we will make more money
out of this than
you ever dreamed.

Just in case you are wondering
how successful I have been
thats my car outside the Volvo
I know it looks a bit like a hearse
but it cost a fortune.

Now, you should also be aware
that its not too late for Eunice
to donate her organs
to medical research
just sign the sheet on the way out
and I will arrange it.

I have a number of large hosp
I mean, keen buyers lined up
and what they will pay
will more than offset
the cost of re-opening the coffin.

Before I finish I would like to say
its been a pleasure
and will be more so
once you put $250 in the plate
my fee for providing you each
with this wonderful advice.

In February 2005, The New Zealand Consumer reported that a lawyer charged a bereaved family for time spent in attending the funeral of a client. The Wellington District Law Society defended the practice.  The poem is my satirical take on the sorry story. 

Visit Tuesday Poem for more poems this week.  

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